Tales of the Irrepressible Sirius Black
by sahie83
Summary: This is a fic about how Sirius became a notorious womaniser. Rated M for later chapters. Yeah, I'm gonna go there. The whole smut thing. Just not yet. In time. Enjoy!
1. A Casanova In Training

**Tales of the Irrepressible Sirius Black**

A/N: I always seem to be inspired to write fics based on songs I'm listening to, I'd love for this to be based on something sweet and romantic...alas it is inspired by a song from the Bloodhound Gang called "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo". Yeah, real classy stuff!

Disclaimer: Everything in the Potterverse is not mine. Sirius is most certainly not mine, no matter how much I wish he was, nor is anyone else except the characters I make up. If you don't know who's made up by me, don't fret, JK does...those would be the ones she wouldn't be suing over if I claimed it was all mine. Which I don't. So no law suit. And we all live happily ever after!

* * *

Chapter 1 – A Casanova In Training (aka. Girlish Delight on the Hogwarts Express)

The handsome young boy strolled along the platform at Kings Cross Station. He was dark and mysterious with a slight air of arrogance about him. At only 14 years old he knew how to charm his way around people, but he wasn't yet aware of the effect he had on females and there could be no doubt there was definitely an effect. Pushing the trolley containing his trunks and school things further down the platform, girls, even women around him turned to watch. He caught the eye of a pretty brunette and she smiled beguilingly at him. He grinned at her as a yell of "Padfoot!" caught his ears. Sirius Black increased his pace in order to catch up to a boy with messy black hair. The boy was pushing a similar trolley to his own and was standing near the barrier between platforms 9 and 10.

"Prongs, fancy seeing you here, I thought you were supposed to get here early and save us a good compartment on the train!" Sirius announced as he briefly embraced his best friend while glancing around the platform to see if many people were paying attention to them.

"Why Padfoot, you old dog! Isn't that what we have Moony for?" James Potter asked, running a hand through his hair and laughing.

"I knew there was a reason we keep that bloke around." As he said this, Sirius cast an eye over the platform once more before leaning against the barrier and disappearing. James, still laughing, quickly followed.

--

They appeared on the other side of the barrier, in the middle of an archway, underneath a sign proclaiming them to be on "Platform 9 ¾". The effect of Sirius Black's arrival on the female presence was immediate. Pushing his way through the crowd ahead of James, girls ogled him and whispered to their friends as they passed. Utterly unaware of the stir he was causing, he grabbed his trunk and jumped onto the train, James in his wake as they looked in compartment after compartment till he saw the two people he was searching for. Sitting in a compartment together were Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, the other two members of the group who called themselves The Marauders.

"Moony! Wormtail! I have arrived! Oh, and Prongs is here too." He jerked his head to the side to indicate their friend's presence.

"Hey Padfoot, Prongs." Remus said as Sirius and James entered the compartment, hauled their luggage onto the rack above their heads and sat down.

"How was your holiday?" Peter asked.

"Not too bad, shut the door would you, Wormy?" Sirius responded and dutifully, Peter got up and shut the door the two had left open.

They talked companionably for the next hour, swapping stories of their summer holidays when all of a sudden Sirius jumped out of his seat.

"I'm famished! You blokes want anything?" Sirius queried, halfway out the door.

"But the food trolley's not here yet?" Peter stated, sounding confused about where Sirius was going to get food.

"Not yet, Wormtail, not yet. I, however, am hungry now so I'm going to the other end of the train. I'll crash someone's compartment and get us food before anyone else can!" Sirius winked at them all.

"Pumpkin pasty for me, Padfoot." James grinned at his friend.

"I'll have one too then," Peter seconded, "and I wouldn't say no to a chocolate frog."

"Just a liquorice wand for me, thanks." Said Remus. "Want any money?"

"Nah, not an issue Moony, you know that!" Remus looked a tiny bit put out, but Sirius didn't notice. He never bragged about being wealthy, in fact, he never really gave it much thought at all. Growing up in one of the oldest pureblood wizarding families, money had never been a concern and in all honesty it was for this reason that Sirius had never really learned the true value of a galleon. Even after four years of friendship, Remus wasn't used to the way Sirius threw gold around like it was growing on trees.

--

Sirius sauntered up the passageway on the Hogwarts Express, glancing into carriages as he went. He was sorely tempted to stop and taunt Severus Snape, a member of the Slytherin house and hated enemy of Sirius and his Gryffindor friends. Seeing as the compartment was full of nasty looking Slytherins accompanying Snape, Sirius hastily dismissed the idea of stopping. Reaching the front of the train, he checked out the two compartments. One was the prefects' carriage including five prefects and the other contained three girls from Ravenclaw house looking to be fifth years. He decided against inviting himself into the prefects' carriage. Having found himself on their bad side on too many occasions to count, he didn't think it wise to annoy them at this early point of the school term.

Flinging open the door of the other compartment, Sirius smiled widely at the girls inside.

"Hello ladies, fancy seeing you here!" He sat down next to a stunned looking blonde girl who soon frowned at him.

"Can I help you?" she asked coldly.

"Not really," Sirius replied, not at all put off by her demeanour, "I just came to visit and see what was happening in your neck of the woods."

"You're Sirius Black, aren't you?" A girl across from him with long, curly, brunette hair raised an eyebrow at him.

"The one and only!" He announced with pride, "Who might you girls be?" He asked cheekily.

"We MIGHT be about to hex you into next Sunday, Black." The blonde girl said with a great deal of venom.

"Awwwww, don't be that way babe," he winked at her, "I just came to spend some time with the prettiest girls in the school! So come on, tell me your names so I don't have to spend the next two hours calling you sugarplum."

A previously silent girl in the corner of the carriage who was tall and thin, with short black hair spoke up.

"I'm Arabella Teddington, this is Wanita Halkett," she indicated to the brunette, who had just tilted her head to the side and was giving Sirius a once over. "And that is Danika Valentine that you're sitting next to."

"Teddington, Halkett, Valentine. Duly noted. Was that really so hard?" As he said this, Sirius turned so he was mainly speaking to Danika. She was quite a curvy girl, with her straight blonde hair reaching just past her shoulders. Her piercing blue eyes caught Sirius' grey ones.

"I suppose not." She conceded and just as Sirius was about to make a wisecrack, he was interrupted by the sound of the food trolley coming past them.

"Anything off the trolley, dears?" The witch who pushed the trolley poked her head into their compartment.

"Absolutely," said Sirius, jumping up from his seat. "Three pumpkin pasties, a liquorice wand, a packet of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and a chocolate frog, thanks."

"Hungry are you, love?" She smiled at him as she took his money.

"Errrr yeah, you could say that." Sirius moved aside to let the girls make their purchases and as they sat down he turned to them. "Well, it's been real nice ladies, but I've gotta jet. Don't be strangers now!"

He left the compartment with difficulty, his hands now full of food, but as he turned to walk down the train, he found his way blocked by the food trolley.

"Excuse, could I possibly get past?" Sirius asked the witch who was now serving the compartment next to the one he'd previously vacated. Her wide bottom and even wider cart made the idea of passing a hopeless one.

"Sorry love, I don't think that's possible right now, you should probably just go back to your seat, dear." She smiled at him and turned back to her customers.

"But that's what I...never mind."

--

Sirius made his way back into the girls' compartment. As he opened the door with his foot and edged his way in, he heard the sound of giggling coming to an abrupt halt.

"I thought you were leaving us?" Danika watched him with interest.

"Yeah, I thought that too." Sirius muttered, returning to his seat beside her and dumping his goods in between them. "Prongs will probably kill me."

"Excuse me, WHO will kill you?" asked Wanita.

"Oh Prongs, I mean James Potter, my best friend. I was meant to be getting him a pumpkin pasty but now I'm stuck here."

"Well don't make it sound like you're enjoying it too much, Black. We'd hate to think you like us!" Wanita stuck out her tongue at Sirius.

"Ahhhh I didn't mean it like that, Halkett, you girls are the prettiest things I've seen all day." He winked at her and she blushed.

"Hey Black, has anyone ever told you that you tend to err on the chauvinist side of caution?" Danika scowled at him.

"Never anyone as pretty as you, Valentine! And don't pretend that I'm not the prettiest thing YOU'VE seen all day!" He raised his eyebrows at her suggestively.

"Black, you are an incorrigible flirt!" She announced, laughing now.

"I'm not flirting, am I?" Sirius sounded sincerely confused. All three girls were laughing now and it was Arabella who spoke up.

"You most definitely are, Black. That's okay though, we like it. You know you're hot." She winked at him and was rewarded with a large smile.

"You're right, I do know I'm hot and so do you. In fact, I'm pretty sure that you know you're sitting with the hottest guy at Hogwarts. Go on, you don't have to deny it!"

"Hottest guy at Hogwarts? I don't know..." Arabella pondered, "maybe once you grow into those ears, or your hair gets a bit longer..."

"You don't like my ears, Teddington?" Sirius asked as Wanita snorted with laughter, "are you sure you don't like them? Maybe you'd like to look closer?" He moved to sit next to her and pulled his hair back from his left ear.

"See that? That is a sexy ear, go on, you can admit it Teddington, you want my ear!"

"I don't know about your ear, Black, but I do want your wand!" Danika looked scandalised and Wanita laughed harder than ever.

"You want my...my WHAT, Teddington?" Sirius spluttered.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, your LIQUORICE wand! You lot, all three of you, get your heads out of the gutter!" The three of them were laughing at her and soon Arabella joined in.

"Freudian Slip, Bella!" Danika coughed.

"It was not a Freudian Slip, Dani! I simply meant that I wanted his candy!"

"His...candy..." was all that Wanita could manage as she continued laughing.

"That's what she said, Halkett! Think she meant it?" Sirius felt pleased with himself.

--

Sirius left the carriage twenty minutes later and headed back to his compartment with only half a packet of Bertie Botts and a cold pumpkin pasty in his hands. He sat down in the seat next to Peter, across from James and Remus.

"Oh look Moony, he returns." James smirked at Sirius.

"And oh my, Prongs, he hasn't got our food with him." Remus replied, looking at Sirius also. It was a game the group played often.

"Good thing we bought our own food, Moony."

"Might have starved, Prongs."

"While waiting for our dear friend to bring us food, Moony."

"I wonder if he had a good time though, Prongs?"

"Doesn't look like he met any Slytherins, Moony."

"A good time involves Slytherins, Prongs?"

"A good time involves Slytherins and hexing, Moony."

"Or girls, my friends," Sirius interrupted the banter between James and Remus, "hexing Slytherins, or flirting with girls."

"You met some girls, Padfoot?" Peter sounded eager for news.

"Most certainly, Wormy. Fifth year girls. Ravenclaw girls. Hot girls. Couldn't get enough of me." He grinned at them all.

"So, chatting up fifth year Ravenclaws?" James clapped him on the back. "Well done, I can forgive you for letting me almost starve to death if you hook me up with one of them!"

"Anytime, Prongs, anytime. You know boys; I think this is going to be the start of a wonderful new way of life. I've been wondering...do you think I could get a girl to snog me by the end of the day?"

* * *

A/N: I wish I could've been inspired by a nice song, but most particularly the lines "in lieu of the innuendo, in the end know my intent though" and "I don't wanna beat around the bush. Foxtrot. Uniform. Charlie. Kilo." reminded me of Sirius Black who, let's face it, is a terrible cad! So I thought I'd write a fic in which he goes about becoming and being, you know, THE Sirius Black.


	2. A Personal Challenge

**Tales of the Irrepressible Sirius Black**

Disclaimer FAQ: Q. What is Harry Potter? A. Something I don't own. Q. How do you know I don't own Harry Potter? A. I don't live in a fantastic mansion in Hawaii. Q. Who does own Harry Potter? A. JK Rowling, literary extraordinaire. Q. Do you own anything Potter? A. Only if my cats Sirius and Remus count, but they're real cats, not fictional characters, so that would be a no.

Thank you for participating in my disclaimer FAQ!

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Chapter 2 – A Personal Challenge (aka. Sirius gets a snog)

"What do you think about that Hufflepuff girl?" Sirius asked his friends and looked over at the Hufflepuff table in the Great Hall of Hogwarts, where they were currently eating their dinner, "reckon she'd be up for it?"

"Sirius, you are absolutely beserk, do you know that?" Remus snapped.

"A guy's got to have goals in life, Moony, mine just happens to currently be a snog by midnight. You didn't answer my question." Sirius raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"She'd be nuts if she was 'up for it' as you so eloquently put it." Remus took a swig of pumpkin juice.

"Hmmm, maybe I should try one of the Ravenclaw girls instead. You know, the ones from the train?" Sirius pondered, "I've kind of already got an in with them and Arabella was talking about my wand!"

"I do not want to know." Remus muttered.

"But how are you going to find time to snog them tonight, Padfoot?" Peter asked, "Won't they go straight back to their house common room?"

"A rare moment of insight, Wormtail!" Sirius announced, "If I hope to snog a girl by midnight, I should probably start looking in my own house. Who do you reckon, Prongs?"

James looked up and down the table.

"Dunno, Padfoot, Elena Catherwood's not bad looking and she's a third year, so she might be more...how can I put this? Susceptible to your amorous advances!" James said in a tone not unlike Remus's and winked at Sirius.

"Well reasoned, James, I'd been thinking about Evans maybe. Feisty little redhead that she is!" Sirius and James both looked down the table to where Lily Evans was sitting with her fellow fourth year friends.

"I wouldn't try it, Sirius, she doesn't seem like the easy type and she'd probably jinx you so bad you'd end up in the hospital for a week." Remus interjected.

"She's looking good this year, though." James considered, "I wonder if she'd go to Hogsmeade with me."

"I just said she doesn't seem like the easy type, so now you want to ask her out?" Remus quizzed in an exasperated tone.

"Not for a snog by midnight like Sirius was talking about! I meant, you know, a date. Okay, and a snog, but a date!" James pointed out.

"Still don't like your chances, Prongs." Said Remus.

"All very well, but what about my dilemma!" Sirius interrupted.

"I say Catherwood. She drools over you all the time." James pointed out.

"She does? Never noticed. Okay, Catherwood it is then. I'll snog her by midnight." Sirius announced. He called out to a sandy-haired sixth year a bit further up the table.

"Oi, Desmond, what's the password?" the boy looked around, saw Sirius and smiled.

"Mi casa es su casa, but don't take that literally!" Desmond Randal quipped.

"Thanks Des," Sirius called and as he stood up from his seat, he spoke to his friends. "I'll see you blokes later."

--

Sirius wandered casually over to Elena Catherwood and her friends with his hands in his pockets and smiled at them, causing all five of them to laugh nervously. The group consisted of three third year girls and two second years, all seemed dumbstruck at the sight of him.

"What's happening, girls?" Sirius asked rhetorically as he approached them, "got room for one more?"

One of the girls at the end moved to make room for him, but he turned to Elena instead.

"Move up a bit, babe, so I can sit down." She blushed furiously and moved over, stiffening as Sirius sat down closer than was necessary.

"How was your train ride?" Sirius was still talking to Elena and all but ignoring the other girls at the table.

"It was, ummm, it was okay. Errr and yours?" Elena stuttered.

"Great Catherwood, just great. Would've been better if I'd been in your carriage, though!" He winked at her and she turned a further shade of crimson. All of her friends were gawking at her, as well as a few other people in the vicinity. Luckily there was a distraction just then as the table filled with all sorts of imaginable desserts.

"What would you like for dessert tonight, Catherwood?" Sirius asked her. "Treacle tart? Ice cream? Apple pie? A stroll up to Gryffindor tower with the delectable Sirius Black?"

"Ummmm, I'll ummm have, ummm, I'm ummm-" she couldn't seem to say much more than the non-word 'ummm' and Sirius grinned at her.

"I'm going to assume that translates to the walk option, come on." Sirius grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the table. She looked at the floor as he led her out of the Great Hall, trying to avoid the staring eyes around her and did not notice Sirius give his friends a wink as they walked past them.

--

"So Catherwood," Sirius let go of her hand and put an arm around her shoulders, "was summer good to you?"

"It was alright, I guess." She mumbled and blushed again. Sirius threw his head back and laughed.

"You know Catherwood, I like it when you blush, you're very pretty." He pulled her closer to him as the stair case they were standing on began to move.

"Hold on gorgeous, we're in for a wild ride!" Sirius proclaimed.

"I errr don't know how wild the stair case moving is, exactly." She stated.

"Did I say I was talking about the stair case?" He winked at Elena and she blushed once more. "See? Very pretty."

As he led her along the corridor to where the portrait of the Fat Lady hung, he stopped suddenly and backed her against the wall, standing very close and looking down into her brown eyes.

"You like me, don't you Catherwood?" He smiled at her and she blinked up at him.

"Ummm you're ummm okay ummm I guess..."

"Just okay?" Sirius asked, "not devastatingly handsome?"

He didn't wait for an answer, instead pulling her along again to stand in front of the Fat Lady.

"Mi casa es su casa." Sirius said, looking directly at Elena. The portrait swung forward revealing a hole in the wall through which they climbed into the circular Gryffindor common room.

"Now, where were we?" Sirius asked as he pulled her towards him in front of the fireplace.

"I don't errr know." Elena stammered, sounding frightened.

"You don't need to sound so worried, Catherwood. I was just wondering something, though." He tilted his head and looked at her again, reaching his hand up to push her hair back out of her eyes. "Want to know what I was wondering?"

"Ummm, I suppose so." Elena replied.

"I was wondering, if I wanted to, whether you would kiss me or not. Would you kiss me, Catherwood?" Sirius queried.

"I would." She squeaked in reply.

Sirius leaned his head down and covered her mouth with his. He snaked one hand around her waist and pulled her close, reaching behind her head with his other hand and increasing the pressure on her mouth. His tongue flickered out and licked her lips. She opened her mouth with a sigh and he began to kiss her passionately. He explored her mouth with his and just as he had begun to move his hands around her body, the portrait swung open again and people began to file in.

--

There was the sound of wolf whistles and cat calls as people started to take in what they were seeing.

"Nice work, Black!" Called out the voice of a burly seventh year boy.

"It's never too early in the school year for a snog, apparently!" A fifth year girl commented, sounding amused.

"Break it up, break it up!" Came the voice of Desmond Randal. Sirius and Elena sprang apart, Elena running for the cover of the girls' dormitories. Sirius grinned widely at his audience and took a bow.

"Geeze Black, I didn't realise you wanted the password in order to get some 'private time' in before bed!" Desmond laughed at him.

"Well it was private till you lot intruded, you know!" He sought out his friends and amidst delight and some scowling from the crowd around him, they headed towards the stairway to the boys' dormitories.

"I think I shall take my leave now," said Sirius loudly, "good night folks, see you in the morning!"

Sirius took another bow and turned to walk up the stairs.

--

As they burst into the room, Sirius and James were doubled over with laughter.

"That was bloody brilliant, Padfoot!" James snorted, "I honestly didn't think you could do it, I was going to ask for proof but I don't think it's really needed now!"

"Proof, Prongs? You mean like her bra or something?" They were clutching each other and laughing harder than ever, "I think this was much easier, don't you?"

James couldn't reply as he continued to howl with laughter.

"You two are absolutely awful," said Remus coldly, "girls aren't objects, you know. They have feelings and if I'm not much mistaken, you've completely humiliated Elena." Sirius stopped laughing and looked amusedly at his friend.

"Awwww, Moony, she won't take it that hard. I reckon that was probably the best snog of her life!"

"Charming though girls seem to find you, Padfoot, I warn you that you have a lot to learn about them." Remus turned his back on them and began getting ready for bed.

"What did you think, Wormtail?" James asked, "you seem awfully quiet."

"I want to know how to get some of Padfoot's luck with the ladies! Wasn't that the first time you'd even spoken to her?" Peter sounded slightly resentful.

"Sure was, Wormy, sure was. I'm just that damn irresistable!" Sirius smirked.

"That damn arrogant, you mean!" James retorted. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.

"Arrogant, you say? Have you seen me? I'm seriously hot and I think girls have finally discovered this fact!"

"I don't know about 'finally discovered', girls have been checking you out for as long as I've known you." James stated with a shrug.

"Really? They have?" Sirius sounded gobsmacked.

"Yes Padfoot, we've all noticed and perhaps if you weren't so self-involved, you might've realised this before now along with the rest of us!" Remus rolled his eyes at him.

"Wow Moony, you're sure in a bad mood tonight. Tell me why you think the girls love me? Is it my biceps? I reckon it's my biceps!" He flexed his muscles, which was pointless as he was still wearing his robes and they couldn't see his arms.

"Yes Padfoot, it's definitely your biceps...that robe really sets them off!" Remus laughed despite himself.

"I always thought it was his eyes," said Peter, "I was walking down the corridor one day and some girls were talking about his eyes." Sirius paused in the midst of changing into his pyjamas.

"I don't know what disturbs me the most about what you just said, Wormtail. The fact that you remember this or the fact that you didn't tell me about my fabulous eyes for yourself!" Peter looked embarrassed.

"I didn't say it! Some girls did!" He protested.

"Oh sure they did, Wormtail!" James snickered.

"Shove off, both of you." Peter spat.

Sirius lay down on his bed. He leaned back with his arms behind his head.

"You know, boys, as far as snogs go, I think that was a great one. In fact, I really do think I'm pretty damn good at it."

"Just go to sleep already, Padfoot, or your head will be so big you won't be able to fit through the doorway in the morning." James warned him as he settled himself into bed.

"Meh, if that happens, I'll just have Moony levitate me down through the window!"

And with a wave of his wand, Sirius distinguished the lights in the dorm and drifted off to sleep, content with the successful completion of his personal challenge.

* * *

A/N: I almost hate Sirius being so cavalier about women, but at the same time I'm certain that a boy as good looking as him almost surely would be. As for poor sensible Remus, I should imagine it would get a bit tiresome being around somebody so arrogant all the time! Anyway, I'm not sure what will come next but I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did.


	3. A Difficult Time Of The Month

**Tales of the Irrepressible Sirius Black**

Disclaimer: My love for Sirius Black and the Potterverse is deep, it's profound and that does not make me it's creator. I do this for love, not money. JK Rowling did it for love too, but she did it first so yay for her having all the money! ;)

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Chapter 3 – A Difficult Time Of The Month (aka. Moony gets his period)

The Marauders were sitting in their dormitory on a Saturday afternoon, the rain pounding relentlessly on the windows. James was writing a letter to his parents, Peter was finishing his Transfiguration essay with occasional help from Remus, who was sitting on his bed reading a book titled "The Art of the Animagi".

"I just don't get what the hold-up is, Moony." Sirius paced around the room restlessly. "We've been at this for coming on two years now and we still can't do it. Why not?"

"It takes time, Padfoot," Remus said consolingly, "you've done the hard yards. You know what animals you'll be transforming into and-"

"We've got cool nicknames for ourselves in the process." James grinned. "You always have to focus on the important things, you know!"

Sirius, frustrated at their current situation, picked up a book and threw it carelessly in James's direction, where it landed with a loud thump at his feet. Peter looked up from his essay.

"You throw like a girl, Padfoot...just so you know."

"Thanks Wormtail, I appreciate being kept informed. The thing is, Moony, surely we should've been able to do this thing by now. The full moon is tonight and it's just so frustrating to not be able to change at will yet."

"I don't know what to tell you, Padfoot. We've been through this a thousand times, you just need to be patient and eventually you'll be able to do it."

"That's easy for you to say, you're not the one trying to change into an animal and failing miserably."

The air in the room became thick with tension. Peter and James both looked up from what they were doing to stare at Remus, waiting for his reaction.

"I should be so lucky that I might fail at turning into an animal, Sirius." Remus hissed at him as he swiftly rose from the bed and moved across the room to come face to face with Sirius. The uncommon use of Sirius's actual name pulled him up short as he was about to retort.

"Don't think for one moment that I don't appreciate what you are all doing for me. It's risky, it's dangerous, I respect that and I am very grateful that you are going to this amount of effort in order to help me out. But DON'T sit there and tell me that I am LUCKY to be a warewolf."

With that, Remus stormed out of the room, the book left forgotten on his bed.

--

They had discovered Remus's secret in their second year at Hogwarts, he had used every excuse under the sun to justify his monthly absences from the school. Eventually the boys had seen through this façade and figured out that Remus was a werewolf. James referred to it as 'Remus's furry little problem', while Sirius unceremoniously referred to the full moon as 'Remus is on his period.'

This wasn't the first argument they had had over Remus's condition, though. When they first decided they would attempt to become animagi and each transform into an animal in order to accompany Remus at this time of the month, there had been blazing rows. They all saw the positive side to this, but Remus who had always been the most sensible of them did not think the positives outweighed the enormous risks. Becoming an animagus was a very tricky process, even for the most skilled wizards and at the time of this decision they had all been twelve years old with a lot of raw talent, but very little wizarding experience. Remus also held a deep-rooted fear that something might go wrong and he could hurt his friends when he was in his transformed state. Ultimately, though, Sirius, James and Peter had managed to convince Remus that it was the right thing to do. Or, more to the point, that they were going to do it with or without his help.

Remus's monthly transformations were particularly painful as he would scratch and bite himself and they reminded him over and over again that as animals, they would be able to stop him from doing so. It had been a long road to get where they were now. About halfway through their third year, they had figured out what animals they would be turning into and this was where they had gotten their nicknames. Sirius would be turning into a dog, Padfoot. James would be a stag, Prongs. Peter would become a rat, Wormtail and Remus of course was a werewolf, Moony. These nicknames had been the brainchild of James and Sirius's combined effort. Peter and Remus had both fought against the use of their nicknames, Peter because he thought it made him sound like a loser and Remus because it reminded him of his curse. In the end, though, the names had stuck and it was now rare for them to use one another's real names unless they were in the presence of other people.

--

Around half an hour later James had finished his letter and was reading a book on Quidditch, the popular wizarding sport. Peter was still working on his essay and Sirius had relaxed into his usual pose, lying on his bed with his hands behind his head. They all looked up as the dormitory door opened and Remus re-entered.

"I'm sorry, Padfoot." Remus said as he walked back towards his bed. "I didn't mean to go off at you, it's just that sometimes you say stupid things and I always feel touchy at this time of the month. I hate it." He looked apologetic and Sirius smiled.

"It's not a problem, Moony, I know what you're like when you get your period!"

Sirius attempted to duck as Remus threw a pillow at him, but it caught him on the side of the head.

"Wow, a pillow, I'm hurt! I think I have a concussion!" Sirius placed a hand to his head dramatically.

"Yeah, just be thankful it wasn't a book, eh!" Remus laughed at him.

"In all honesty, Moony, I'm mostly frustrated because I thought that by now we would be able to help you out during the full moon. Instead we have to sit back and watch helplessly as you get taken away by Madam Pomfrey and come back afterwards looking like death warmed up." He grimaced at his friend, Peter nodded his agreement and James spoke up.

"We care about you, Moony. The full moon hurts you, but it hurts us too and the sooner we can do something about it, the better."

"I really...thanks." Remus was touched by his friends' honesty. Having friends who didn't look down on him for his condition, made all the difference in the world to him. The fact that they often made light of it helped him on some levels to come to terms with his curse and see that it didn't necessarily have to be the burden he'd always thought of it as. It would always be there, but with his friends' support, Remus knew he could get through these difficult times.

--

The boys headed downstairs for dinner in an unusually sombre mood. The events of that evening hung over their heads like the Sword of Damocles. Remus was tense and unwell as usual, Sirius and James half-heartedly tried to cheer him up but there was nothing they could do for him now. They knew that shortly after dinner, Madam Pomfrey would escort him off to the Whomping Willow where he would walk along a tunnel that led to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade and he would transform into a werewolf.

That night, Sirius, James and Peter returned alone to the Gryffindor common room and headed almost immediately to their dorm. They renewed their efforts to transform into their chosen animals, but Sirius was as frustrated as ever to discover that they were not much further along in the transformation than they had been in their previous year. It wasn't often that Sirius doubted himself, but at this point in time he doubted he would ever be successful in completing the transformation into a dog.

Sirius slept uneasily that night. He dreamt of a werewolf attacking three smaller animals, then running into the school where the unsuspecting students were having a feast. He woke in a cold sweat and took a drink from a glass of water on his bedside table before laying back down in his bed. As he drifted off to sleep again, he thought he could hear a howl of pain coming from the direction of Hogsmeade village.

* * *

A/N: Wow, an unusually solemn chapter. I didn't intend for it to be this dark, particularly considering the feedback I've gotten so far from this story is that it's funny and light-hearted. However, I felt it was important to write this chapter. I debated making it longer and putting in some more snogging, but it didn't sit right. Never fear, though, the next chapter will definitely include snogging and Sirius being an arrogant berk!


	4. A Date With Destiny

**Tales of the Irrepressible Sirius Black**

Disclaimer: My love for Sirius Black and the Potterverse is deep, it's profound and that does not make me it's creator. I do this for love, not money. JK Rowling did it for love too, but she did it first so yay for her having all the money! ;)

* * *

Chapter 4 – A Date With Destiny (aka. Embarrassment and shenanigans in Hogsmeade)

There was a familiar gleam in Sirius Black's eye as they reached the Great Hall the morning before the first Hogsmeade visit of the term. He cast his eyes around the breakfasting students.

"What to do, what to do." He pondered as he continued looking around, his friends at a halt behind him.

"You quite right there, Padfoot? Or are we going to stand here all morning while you decide on a seat?" James nudged him.

"Hogsmeade tomorrow, Prongs. Ah, that'll do." Sirius said while looking down the Hufflepuff table, before glancing over his shoulder to grin at James. "You go have your breakfast, my good man. I'll see you in a couple of minutes."

He strode over in the direction that he'd previously been watching, leaving his friends still standing in the doorway.

"Who is it today?" Remus wondered aloud.

"Looks like...Alic...no, he's going for Destiny Reynolds." James replied as Sirius sat down next to a girl with long, curly hair.

"Figures, she's one of the best looking girls in school." Peter commented. Remus rolled his eyes as Sirius gave the embarrassed Hufflepuff girl a kiss on the cheek.

--

"How's it going, gorgeous?" Sirius greeted the girl he'd just kissed amidst her friends' giggles.

"It's going fine, Sirius." She replied, busying herself by buttering a piece of toast. Sirius looked up at the roof, which mimicked the sky outside.

"You're right, it's fine. Hope it stays fine tomorrow, don't you babe?" Sirius grinned at her embarrassment.

"I suppose so, but I'm not particularly fussed whether it's fine or not." Destiny took a swig of her orange juice.

"You don't care whether it rains on us when we go to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Sirius asked nonchalantly. "I suppose I wouldn't mind either," he continued without waiting for an answer, "I have this theory that you'd look hot drenched to the skin." Destiny choked of her mouthful of juice.

"I'm sorry?" she coughed.

"I'm pretty sure you heard me beautiful, hey are you alright there?" Sirius patted her on the back.

"I'm fine." She took another sip of juice with shaky hands.

"What a shame," Sirius said in a mock sad tone, "I was hoping I'd have to give you mouth to mouth!" His eyes travelled over her body, resting on her lips.

"Well," she started breathlessly, "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't need it."

"Don't you?" Sirius asked as he leaned towards her, stopping when his mouth was barely an inch from hers. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly and Sirius's gaze pierced hers. "Well, if you're certain babe, I won't give you mouth to mouth. You should probably know that you're always welcome to give it to me, though."

He moved slowly closer, their lips were almost touching now and she couldn't form words. Sirius was aware of the people around him, but he knew she wasn't. People were beginning to stare.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Reynolds. 9am in the Entrance Hall. Be there." And he abruptly stood up to walk back to the Gryffindor table.

--

"Quite the show, Padfoot, quite the show." James commented as Sirius came to sit down with them. "She going with you to Hogsmeade then?"

"I assume so, didn't get an answer." Sirius shrugged.

"Your arrogance, Padfoot, sometimes it astounds me." Remus laughed.

"You're actually surprised, Moony?" Peter paused with a forkful of scrambled eggs halfway to his mouth.

"No, not really, we've always known Sirius was an arrogant berk!" Remus was hit with half a sausage, thrown at him by Sirius. "Oi, you git!"

"Hey, I could have thrown a dungbomb, you should consider yourself lucky!" Sirius grinned at him.

James was looking thoughtfully into his bowl of corn flakes.

"You alright there, mate?" Sirius asked him.

"Yes, yes I am. I'll be right back." James stood up and walked off down the Gryffindor table.

"What's that about?" Peter asked his friends. Sirius shrugged and continued eating.

"He's probably just-" Remus was cut off.

--

There was a loud smack that echoed around the Great Hall as Lily Evans slapped James. This was followed shortly by a shriek of "YOU ARE A CONCEITED MORON, JAMES POTTER!"

James was bright red and attempting to stutter an apology. Lily was fuming and, just as red as James, she continued to rage at him.

"Oh no, McGonagall..." said Peter sounding concerned. Remus and Sirius both looked around to see the Head of Gryffindor house rising from her seat to stop the commotion.

"Crap, let's get him out of here, quick." Sirius instructed.

They rushed down between the tables to the place where James and Lily were now standing. James was still muttering apologies with Lily standing in front of him, both hands on her hips as she yelled at him about what an imbecile she thought he was. Sirius grabbed James's arm and dragged him past Lily, to the sound of the girl's anger.

"Don't think I'll forget this, Potter! You lot, all four of you think you're so hot! Strutting around the school! Hexing anyone who looks at you funny! You might think girls are nothing, but I'm not a possession Potter! You don't own me and NO I WON'T GO TO HOGSMEADE WITH YOU!"

Lily yelled this last line at the entrance to the Great Hall as they disappeared around the corner, making sure that James heard it.

"When you're quite done causing a scene, Miss Evans." Professor Minerva Mconagall said coldly, tapping Lily on the shoulder to attract her attention. Lily turned around and became aware that everyone in the hall was looking at her.

"Professor, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I don't care what you meant, Miss Evans, we do not having screaming matches in the Great Hall over breakfast. Twenty points from Gryffindor." Professor McGonagall's lips were thin and she looked extremely angry.

"But that's not fair, Professor! Potter-"

"Do you want detention as well, Miss Evans? I didn't see Potter yelling at anyone. Finish your breakfast and get to your class."

--

Meanwhile, the Marauders were standing outside the dungeon, early for their Potions class due to their sudden departure from the Great Hall. James looked shell shocked and hadn't said a word since they left.

"Oh my, Moony, what has Prongs done?" Sirius smirked at James.

"Incited the anger of Lily Evans I'd say, Padfoot." Remus laughed.

"Didn't you warn him about her, Moony?"

"I think I recall that I did, Padfoot."

"Told him she wouldn't want his attentions, didn't you Moony?"

"I tried to tell him, Padfoot."

"Good advice it was, Moony."

"He still went after her, didn't he Padfoot."

"I can't blame him. She's a hot little number, Moony."

"We all spotted that, Padfoot!"

They both started laughing at this point and Sirius threw an arm around James's shoulders.

"Come on Prongs, tell us the sad, sorry tale. What provoked Evans to fury?"

"I kissed her." James said.

"You did what?!" Remus sounded surprised and Peter snorted with laughter.

"You know, like Padfoot did with Reynolds. I sat down, gave her a kiss and asked her to come to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow."

"She err didn't appreciate that, then." Sirius fought hard to keep a straight face as Peter dissolved into laughter and Remus looked exasperated but amused.

"You have to ask?" James looked so downhearted that Sirius felt sorry for him.

"Cheer up, mate, there's plenty of other fish in the sea." James gave Sirius an odd look and was about to reply when they heard the sound of their classmates coming down the corridor for class.

"Oh God, hide me." James moaned as he ducked behind his friend.

--

The next day the three boys were up and ready for breakfast while James was still in bed. He'd spent most of the previous day and evening avoiding Lily Evans in classes, corridors, the Great Hall and the common room respectively. It had seemed like every other minute, James would drag them through a secret passageway just to avoid her. Sirius had found it amusing the first few times, but by the twelfth time, they had all gotten annoyed with him and told him to get where he wanted to go by himself while they walked the corridors the normal way.

"Aren't you ready yet, Prongs?" Remus asked him.

"I don't think I'm going to Hogsmeade today, in fact, I think I'm coming down with something." He gave a feeble cough, "you'd probably better just go on without me. I wouldn't want to give you whatever is that I've got."

"I highly doubt we're going to catch I-don't-want-to-run-into-Evansitis, Prongs." Sirius smirked, "now get your sorry butt up and out of bed. You can't hide out in here forever."

"No, but I can hide out in here for the weekend." James hid his head under his pillow. "Maybe tomorrow night someone will have a wizard's duel at dinner and everyone will forget about me and Evans."

"I don't actually like your chances of that happening." Peter told him.

"Me either, but a guy can dream, can't he! Just go on without me. Please." James begged of them. Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend.

"Fine, but only because I need to eat breakfast before I meet Reynolds...you can't snog well on an empty stomach, you know!" He walked out the door.

"You really can't stay in here forever, you know." Remus informed him. "Maybe you should try and at least talk to Evans."

"Don't remind me and wasn't it you who told me to stay away from her in the first place? I think I'm ready to take your advice." James rolled to face away from them as Peter and Remus trailed Sirius out of the room.

"What a wimp." Sirius announced to the others as they headed down to breakfast. "It wasn't that bad, you know. I don't see why he's so worked up about it."

"Just because you like making a spectacle of yourself on a regular basis, Padfoot, doesn't mean the rest of us enjoy it." Remus chided him.

"I don't know, Moony. I think Prongs normally loves being the centre of attention as much as Padfoot does." Peter put in.

"That's different, though. Yeah, he can be a show off, like after winning a game of Quidditch and stuff," Remus observed, "but Evans sure did give him a tongue lashing and in front of practically the whole school, no less! That's different."

"I suppose it is." Peter agreed.

"Evans Schmevans." Sirius said as they reached the Great Hall. "Let's get our food on, I'm hungry and I've got a date with a pretty lady!"

--

Sirius noticed Destiny sitting in the at the Hufflepuff table with her giggling friends around her and knew they were talking about him. Mostly he could tell this because they kept trying to glance casually over at him but they were so obvious about it that he couldn't resist giving one of her prettier friends a wave and they all started giggling again. Sirius saw Destiny get up and head towards the Entrance Hall.

"See you guys at the Three Broomsticks later." Sirius told them as he simultaneously gulped down the last of his orange juice and stood up from the table. He placed the empty glass in front of him and walked out of the room.

Coming up behind Destiny, Sirius put his arms around her, capturing her in his embrace.

"Waiting for me, Reynolds?" He whispered in her ear.

"Of course I am, Sirius, this is where we agreed to meet." As he let her go, she turned around to smile at him. "You ready then?"

"As ever." He commented and took her hand in his. Their fingers intertwined and he walked with her to the front door of the castle. Destiny pulled her hand from his, though, at the disapproving look they received from the caretaker Apollyon Pringle, who was checking off student names against a list of those with permission to visit the village. As soon as they'd passed through the doors, Sirius reached for her hand again. They walked along in silence for awhile.

"You know, there's no need to be so shy, babe." Sirius told her. "Just because Pringle's not getting any, doesn't mean that nobody else should!"

"You think you're going to 'get some' do you, Sirius?" Destiny asked him, her tone frosty.

"Maybe!" He told her shamelessly.

"Not if you keep talking like that, you won't!" She said vehemently.

Sirius stopped where he was, in the middle of the path to Hogsmeade, other students walking past them. He reached both hands around Destiny's waist and pulled her roughly to him. He brought his lips as close to hers as they had been in the Great Hall the day before. Her pupils dilated and she was breathing heavily again.

"Yes. I will." He told her with assurance as he brushed his lips very lightly across hers. Sirius released his grip, but kept one hand around her waist as he propelled her in the direction of Hogsmeade.

"Now, where do you want to go first?" He asked her as they neared the village.

"Oh, I don't know, Honeydukes?" She replied.

"Honeydukes it is, then I need to go to Zonko's and I thought we could go to the Three Broomsticks after." He told her.

"Fine by me." She said as they made their way to Honeydukes.

Sirius let go of her as they entered, it was packed inside the shop and too hard to stick together. They met up at the counter where Destiny was buying some sugar quills, Chocoballs, Ice Mice and liquorice wand. Sirius had his hands full with Fizzing Whizbees, exploding bon-bons, Pepper Imps, Cockroach Clusters and a packet of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum.

"Ewwww," Destiny caught sight of the Cockroach Clusters, "those are gross."

"I'm not the one that will be eating them." Sirius grinned at her mischievously.

"Remind me NOT to eat anything you put in front of me, Sirius." She laughed at him.

They walked over to Zonko's Joke Shop where Destiny hung back while Sirius loaded up on everything a practical joker could dream of having in his arsenal.

--

After they were done at Zonko's, they headed to The Three Broomsticks, the pub where he had said he would meet his friends. He spotted them immediately and pulled a protesting Destiny along with him.

"Can't we sit on our own, Sirius?" She asked him.

"Sorry babe, I promised." Sirius told her. He was pleased to see that they had obviously gone back up to the dorm and managed to convince James to come with them. He was looking sulky, sitting in the corner almost hidden entirely from view of the rest of the room and was shooting covert looks at the other side of the pub where Lily Evans was sitting with her friends.

"Fancy seeing you here, James. Didn't think you were coming out today!" Sirius greeted him.

"These two wouldn't give me a moment's peace till I got out of bed." James announced grumpily.

"Nice work, boys, couldn't have done better myself!" Sirius praised them while James had another stealthy peek at the girl on the other side of the room. "Hey James, Evans is here, had you noticed?"

James didn't respond as Sirius sat down in the last available chair and pulled Destiny hastily down to sit on his lap. She looked embarrassed and Remus smiled at her.

"Hi Destiny, how are you?" He asked her kindly.

"I'm doing okay, and you Remus?" She responded politely.

"Good to hear that, I'm doing well." Their small talk amused Sirius, but not as much as the hiding James did.

"I SAY," Sirius coughed loudly and announced in a voice intended to be heard by as many people as possible over the din of the crowded pub. "PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME, JAMES! LILY EVANS IS HERE, OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PUB THERE, HAD YOU NOTICED?" He punctuated this by pointing in Lily's direction so there could be no mistake about where in the room she was. She looked up at the sound of her name and glared at them when she saw who was talking about her.

"I hate you, Sirius." James muttered as people around them laughed at Sirius's antics and reference to the scandal of the previous morning, "I really don't know why we're friends!"

"Because I'm devastatingly handsome and you're secretly in love with me. I had a point to make, James, and that was that you shouldn't be hiding in a corner of the pub like a loser!"

"I wasn't hiding, Sirius, this was just the only table available when we got here."

"Uh huh, sure. Go get us some drinks, will you Peter?" Sirius turned his attention back to Destiny.

"Remembered I'm here, have you?" she asked him.

"I hadn't forgotten, babe." Sirius informed her as he reached up and pulled her head down to his own, their lips met and she opened her mouth slightly to allow his tongue access. They began to kiss fervently and he caressed her back as they did so.

"I've got your Butterbeer, Sirius." Peter interrupted them.

Sirius ended the kiss, but proceeded to move his lips along Destiny's jaw, then neck as she tilted her head back to allow him access. He stroked her neck with his tongue and there was a loud cough from behind him.

"PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T HEAR PETER, SIRIUS! HE SAID YOUR BUTTERBEER IS HERE!" James announced as loudly as Sirius had declared Lily's presence.

Sirius looked over at him and laughed.

"Okay, okay, point taken." He opened his Butterbeer and took a deep swig. Destiny looked incredibly flustered as though she had momentarily forgotten they were in a crowded pub along with the rest of the students. She opened her drink with trembling hands and took a sip.

They chatted idly with the other three and once they had finished their Butterbeers, Sirius stood up.

"Well, I think we'll head back to the castle now." He told his friends. Destiny remained quiet.

"Off to find a room, more likely." James smirked at them both and Peter laughed.

"Don't be so crass, James." Remus chided him. "It was nice seeing you Destiny."

--

Sirius and Destiny walked slowly back to Hogwarts, hand in hand. They reached the Entrance Hall and stopped at a staircase that led down into a corridor to the right of the main staircase that Sirius would use to go back to Gryffindor tower. He leant back against the wall and looked at Destiny.

"I had a really good time today, Sirius." She said, blushing.

"I did too, Reynolds." He smiled at her and held out his arms, she moved forward into his embrace without a second thought and they began to kiss once more.

Sirius enjoyed the feel of her body against his own. He played with her curls as they kissed, then slowly moved his hand down her back to rest on her behind and pulled her harder against him. She moaned into his mouth and he removed his mouth from hers. He caught her bottom lip between his own and nibbled on it lightly, then began to kiss her neck as her ragged breathing played in his ear. He stopped and rested his head on her shoulder for a moment before coming up to kiss her softly on the lips another time.

"A great time, indeed." He told her as he stood up straight and began backing away from her so he could go upstairs to his dorm. "I'll see you around, Reynolds."

* * *

A/N: This chapter surely did end up long, I suppose that makes up for the previous one being so short and such a downer. I hope you enjoyed this. I did my best to hold back on the snogging parts and kept reminding myself that Sirius is supposed to only be 14 at this stage but hey...he was more than likely a very fast learner anyway!

Also, I've read a lot of fics where they have Filch as the caretaker in Marauder years and I spent time debating this point with myself because it doesn't say anywhere who the caretaker was in the Marauder years. I decided, though, that if Apollyon Pringle was caretaker in Molly Weasley's day and she graduated three years before The Marauders started then he was probably still there when they were. Well...that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! ;)


	5. A Magnificent Time

**Tales of the Irrepressible Sirius Black**

Disclaimer: So this woman JK Rowling, wrote a few books, dunno if you've heard of them. They were about this character Harry Potter, well anyway, this is based on the Harry Potter character's parents and their friends when they were at school. JK Rowling owns all the rights to Harry Potter and his world, including Harry's parents, not me.

* * *

Chapter 5 – A Magnificent Time (aka. Snivellus gets what's coming to him)

It had been over a month since the Hogsmeade weekend. Christmas was around the corner and the weather outside the castle was horrendous, forcing students to take cover in the library or their common rooms. With the exception of Sirius, The Marauders were looking forward to heading home for the holiday.

"And that's another thing." Sirius was in the middle of a rant as they left the library to go to Gryffindor tower. "I have to endure hours of lectures about how my blood is just so ruddy pure and how could I, from the 'Noble and Most Ancient House of Black'," he said this last part with his voice dripping from disdain and referring to a tapestry in his home of the Black family tree, "get myself sorted into Gryffindor! And then they go on and on about how the whole family's been in Slytherin and what a let down I am."

They walked past a painting of a girl in a field playing fetch with a Labrador dog. Peter, James and Remus didn't say much, just a nod and a murmur of agreement here and there. There was no point trying to join in the conversation, they knew, for this was their fourth year of being friends with Sirius and every school holiday it was the same thing. James had actually visited Sirius one Easter and he told Remus and Peter in confidence that he never wanted to go back; it had been a wholly unpleasant place to spend his vacation. So they sympathised and let him vent his anger till he got over it and would come back to school cheery as ever to be away from his parents again.

"Not to mention, my blessed brother. Regulus of the rare 'can do no wrong' breed. 'Look at him, Sirius! He's a real Black! He doesn't run around with half-bloods and mudbloods and impure filth like you do! You should be ashamed of yourself. You'll amount to nothing, at the rate you're going. You could've been anything, Sirius, but instead you insist on being friendly with people who aren't befitting of your status.'" He stopped for breath and let out a growl of frustration.

"Honestly, it makes me sick. How can I be related to those people?" Sirius was wound up and as they reached the landing on the staircase they were walking up, he punched the wall forcefully with a yell.

"Padfoot!" Remus rushed forward as Sirius shook his hand in the air and moaned in pain. "Are you alright?"

"That. Really. Hurt." He announced to them as though this had been an experiment in pain and not an act of savage anger.

"Well that's the thing about solid walls, Padfoot, they tend to be you know...solid." Peter enlightened him.

"Wow, there's the newsflash of the century." James shook his head at Peter. Sirius was leaning against the wall taking pained breaths and cradling his hand which was bleeding profusely.

"Do you know anything that might even resemble being helpful right now, Wormtail?" Sirius snapped at him.

"Actually, I think I might." Remus intervened, "let's get him to the dorm; it's in a book there."

They rushed up to their room and Remus began searching under his bed. He came out from underneath it with a solid-looking book emblazoned with the title "A Healer's Manual". He flipped through it quickly and read a page before dropping the open book back on the floor near his bed. Remus pulled out his wand and pointed it at Sirius who was now looking slightly unsteady.

"Episkey." He said and the wound on Sirius's hand stopped bleeding. Remus wrapped a bandage that he had pulled from his bedside table around it.

"Thanks, Moony. You're a lifesaver." Sirius showed his gratitude.

"Any time, Padfoot, just don't make a habit of it!" Remus grinned at him.

"You know what I need?" Sirius asked them, before continuing, "I need a good time." He announced decisively.

"Look Padfoot," James smirked at him, "your libido really isn't that interesting to us, just so you're aware!"

"Haha Prongs. You're very funny, I was actually thinking..." he paused while he rummaged around in his trunk and pulled a Dr. Filibuster firework out, "of using this."

"I like where this is going!" Peter beamed at the group.

"Now it's just a matter of figuring out how best to make use of this wonderful delight." Sirius stated, looking thoughtful.

--

Walking up a flight of stairs that afternoon, The Marauders had just left the Great Hall from lunch. They had lingered over their lunch, not having much to do since their choices of venue were the library or Gryffindor tower if they didn't fancy trudging through the slush and the cold outside.

"I wish we could play some Quidditch." James told them as he stared longingly out a window at the snowed over Quidditch pitch outside.

"Me too, Padfoot. I'd give anything to be on a broom right now." Sirius stopped and looked out the window also.

"Maybe we could just-" James began, but was interrupted by a harsh laugh from behind them. They spun around and found themselves looking at a thin boy with sallow skin and greasy hair.

"What do you want, Snivellus?" Sirius snarled at him.

"Oh the poor Gryffindor Quidditch heroes, can't go outside to show off on their little twigs." Severus Snape taunted them.

"You wish you had half of our talent on a broomstick, Snape," James glared at Severus, "and all of our good looks!"

Sirius gave a bark of laughter and Severus looked livid. Peter and Remus hung back, looking slightly frightened of what might happen. They had seen too many confrontations with Severus to think this situation was going to end well.

"Nice one, James, hey Snivellus when are you gonna take a shower?" Sirius jeered, "no wonder nobody likes to go near you, you smell like a dungbomb." He waved his hand in front of his nose as though trying to wave away a bad smell and James joined in Sirius's laughter.

"Your brother doesn't mind coming near me, Black." Severus hissed at him, "he does tell the most amusing stories."

Sirius went white, a combination of shock and fury and it was Severus's turn to laugh. Both boys had pulled out their wands now and were standing face to face, wands pointed directly at each other's chest.

"Oh yes, Black, we all get quite a deal of amusement in the Slytherin common room when he tells us all about his mudblood loving brother. Destiny Reynolds, Black? She's has nothing but filthy Muggles for parents. Hanging all over scum like that in the Three Broomsticks, everyone saw you, you'd better hope mudblood isn't contagious."

There was a loud bang and a great deal of smoke. Severus was clutching at his mouth and throat, Sirius had hit him with a Tongue-Tying Curse. At the same time Sirius stumbled back, having been hit with the Jelly-Legs Jinx, crashed into the window and smashed it. Remus and Peter grabbed his arms and pulled him forward to stop him falling out along with the shards of glass now lying on the grass many feet below while James performed the counter-jinx on him. By the time they had straightened themselves out, they just managed to catch a glimpse of a black cloak disappearing into a passageway several floors below them. Sirius lifted his wand again, pointed it at the empty window and said in a hollow voice, "Reparo."

--

"Are you sure about this, Padfoot?" Remus sounded concerned as he looked at Sirius waving his wand over the Filibuster firework. It was Sunday afternoon and they were in their dormitory room, preparations at hand for mayhem they had planned for that evening.

"A hundred percent, Moony. It's going to be awesome; this firework is almost ten times as powerful as it was when I bought it. It's going to be a sight to see when it goes off!" Sirius had a huge grin on his face and a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"I don't know, Padfoot, I think I'm a bit with Moony on this one. It seems kind of reckless to me." Peter shrugged.

"Come on guys!" James agreed with Sirius. "This is the prank to end all pranks and it's a complete win/win situation. Either we don't get caught and Snivellus gets what he has coming to him or we do get caught, Snivellus gets what's coming to him and we go down in Hogwarts history as pulling the best prank ever."

"And we'll also get detention for the rest of our school lives!" Remus exclaimed.

"It's a small price to pay, Moony. Come on, we can't do this without you and you can't tell me that you don't think Snivellus deserves everything he gets after the disgusting things he said yesterday." Sirius was obviously still quite highly annoyed about the altercation the day before.

"Well of course I don't agree with what he said, but-" Remus began.

"Then there's no problem." Sirius cut him off. "Come on Remus, I can pull off a conjuring spell, but you're the best at duplicating and we'll need more than I'll be able to conjure."

"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you. This is against my better judgement." Remus sighed and gave in.

"It always is, Moony!" Sirius laughed.

--

"Okay, you guys know the plan?" Sirius asked them as they headed down to dinner early that night.

"Of course we do, Padfoot, we've been over it ten times in the last half hour!" James smirked at him.

"Alright, let the show begin!" Sirius announced as they reached the Great Hall.

Sirius, James and Remus sat down at the Gryffindor table about halfway down the hall, facing the Slytherins. Peter had stayed outside the hall when his friends entered. As other people started to join them in the Great Hall, Peter was waiting and entered behind the group of Slytherins which contained Severus Snape. As they neared the Slytherin table, Peter dropped his wand on the ground and ducked under the table on the pretence of retrieving it. He pulled the firework out of his pocket and placed it near the leg of the table, grabbed his wand and endured the leers of the Slytherins about what a moron they thought he was.

"Nice work, Wormy." Sirius patted him on the back as Peter sat down next to him at the Gryffindor table. "I was watching them, they didn't suspect a thing."

As he was having this conversation, James had his wand pointed at the Slytherin table from under theirs. He was mumbling under his breath and the firework, unnoticed by anyone but the group raised a few inches off the ground and came to rest further up the table, by Severus Snape's feet.

They were aware that the trickiest part was now to come. The Great Hall was filling up and they needed to be very careful not to attract attention to themselves or what was happening underneath the Slytherin table from this point in. James and Peter, each on either side of Remus and Sirius began to distract those around them. They were aided by the arrival of food on the table and purposely left the two out of the conversation while diverting attention towards the Hufflepuff table behind them. Sirius now had his wand pointed in the Slytherin direction as James had done and was concentrating hard. After almost thirty seconds of chanting under his breath and a concerted effort on his part, a bucket of disgusting and foul smelling slime had appeared next to the firework at Snape's feet. Sirius levitated the firework into the bucket and beamed at Remus.

"Your turn, Moony," he said in an undertone to his friend, "don't forget to duplicate it exactly, or the others won't have the firework in them."

"I'm aware of that, Padfoot. Let's not forget who the whiz at duplicating is here, okay. I might not have been a fan of this plan but if I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it right." And he grinned at his friend. Now that they were in the midst of the prank, Sirius could tell Remus was enjoying himself.

Remus took his turn at directing his wand and attention to the Slytherin table. Sirius began to regale everyone with a rambunctious and slightly off-colour poem which succeeded in garnering the attention of anyone who might have possibly begun to wonder why Remus was so quiet. As Remus went about his work, extra buckets of goo, each with a firework of their own in them began to appear at intervals underneath the Slytherin table. He also duplicated an extra two at Snape's feet.

The heartbeats of all four Marauders were now beating at double time. They knew that they had to do this soon and the fear of being caught was pumping adrenalin through their bodies. Sirius knew that he had to time this perfectly. The main courses disappeared from the table and the desserts appeared along with a predictable swell in volume as people saw what choices they had tonight. At this moment, Sirius waved his wand and murmured the spell to set off the fireworks.

There was a moment when time had seemed to stop. An odd whizzing sound filled the Great Hall and then pandemonium reigned. Green slime was everywhere, the Slytherins were covered in it, Severus was nothing but a green statue concealed head to toe in gunk. It had reached from one side of the Great Hall to the other; The Marauders were amused to find it all over themselves as well. There was smoke and bangs everywhere as the fireworks exploded and flew all around the hall. People were screaming and running away frightened. Some had their arms over their heads to protect themselves from the exploding fireworks and others were laughing, but none more so than The Marauders.

All of a sudden they knew they were in trouble. Professor McGonagall, white with rage stormed towards them. They didn't dare run or try to hide. She knew. Yet there was no way she could prove it.

"Potter. Black. Pettigrew. Lupin. To my office. NOW." McGonagall's wrath seemed to have rendered her incapable of forming full sentences. They trudged slowly out of the Great Hall but with huge grins on their faces and received approving looks from some of the older boys. 

They got a thumbs up from Desmond Randal, who although he tried to enforce them, had been known to break a rule or four in his day.

"Well I never." McGonagall stated as she stood behind her desk. "In all my time at Hogwarts, I never. What WERE you lot thinking?" She glared at them.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Professor." Sirius looked at her innocently.

"Don't you come that line with me, Black!" McGonagall's lips, if possible, became even thinner as she glared at them.

"Oh, you think we had something to do with that?" Sirius asked casually. Steam seemed to be pouring from McGonagall's ears and she took a deep breath.

"Give me your wand, Mr. Black." She said in an eerily calm voice.

"My...my wand?" For the first time, Sirius sounded concerned. "What do you need my wand for, Professor?"

"This is not under negotiation, Black. Give me your wand, now."

Sirius handed over his wand, now looking anxious. Afraid she might snap it. McGonagall laid it on her desk, pointed her own at it and said "Priori Incantato". Remus moaned as a smoky image of Filibuster fireworks exploding from buckets of slime emerged from Sirius's wand.

"Detention." McGonagall said coldly. "Every Saturday next term. A hundred points from Gryffindor for each of you and you will go back to the Great Hall and clean it until it is spotless. You will not use magic." She took a moment to look at each one of them. "I cannot express to you how utterly ashamed I am right now of you all. I have no idea what could have compelled you to pull such an immature prank. If I ever catch you doing something like this again you will be suspended if not expelled from this school. Now go."

--

The Marauders trudged up to Gryffindor tower in silence. It was well after 2am in the morning. It had taken hours and hours of cleaning to get the Great Hall to its previous state and they had been watched the entire time by Apollyon Pringle to make sure they didn't use any magic. He had taken this time to lecture them almost non-stop on how juvenile and foolish they were. They slowly began to get ready for bed. Sirius pulled on his pyjamas and relaxed back on his bed.

"Did you see the look on old Snivelly's face?" He asked, unable to stop himself from grinning at the memory. Sirius looked up and caught James's eye, then they looked in Remus's direction.

"Sorry for getting you detention, Moony." James apologised to him. They were shocked when Remus started laughing.

"Ah yes, a small price to pay for going down in Hogwarts history!" He grinned at them. "That was absolutely fabulous."

"I always said a good time involved Slytherins and hexing, but Slytherins and green slime is a magnificent time!" James laughed.

And they were all laughing now, unable to stop, the memory of the entire Slytherin house covered in disgusting green slime was too precious. It was something that would never be forgotten and well worth a term of detention.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so no snogging and a little bit angsty on Sirius's part, but there's nothing like a good prank to lighten your spirits, especially when you're faced with two weeks of Mother Black on the horizon! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, not sure what's coming up next, I'll definitely update in the next day or two. It's a bit harder to update during the working week but I'll try and do it daily as much as possible. :D


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